Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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