I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
