I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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