4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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