exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
