i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
