Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Dick very happy bro
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
