you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
we made out on top of his cat.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
