I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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