you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I need to sanitize my soul.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
