you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
