There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
