Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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