I didn't shave. On purpose
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
