actually, I'm a sock model
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
