I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
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