I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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