my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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