I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
