dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
