Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Randomize
