but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
How does it feel to date your dad?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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