my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
