get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
