Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
