Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
even my farts smell like vagina
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
