apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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