I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
