Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
