it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
