did you get engaged???
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
