i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Randomize
