i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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