Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
