I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
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