Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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