two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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