like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
