idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
