i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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