how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
