so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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