you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
