i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
