Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
