she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
