you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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