I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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