it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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