Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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