My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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