Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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