Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
