can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
whose ass print is on the piano?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize
