Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
