you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
