i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
