if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
