she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
her vagine was all disorganized.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
