Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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