Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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