I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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