dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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