I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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