my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
