im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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