I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize