So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
