They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
so explain again why im purple
no
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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