is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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