Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize