i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
