Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
he's gonorrhea incarnate
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
