I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
