One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
