I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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