remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
