The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
