i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
