Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
