if you like me you must not know who I am
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
